My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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