I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize