hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
