Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize