Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
