at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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