u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
