He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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