somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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