You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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