Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
