That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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