She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
last night I used snow as a chaser
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
