I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
