i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
