Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
