so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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