I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
