If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
