So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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