I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
