Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
