i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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