Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize