Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
