How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
