was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
