I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
