Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
