Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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