We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize