i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
