eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
