your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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