We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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