ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
