Will you blow on my dice?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
