I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
