oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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