"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
