Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize