Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
