I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
