i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
