So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
