So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
