proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
