i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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