a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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