Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
