the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Farmville is her only friend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
