hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
