A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
