im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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