Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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