areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
