I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
