come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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