He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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