we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
