he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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