put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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