Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize