im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
