Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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