STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
